“Thank God for Donald Trump” was a sentiment that derived from a most unlikely source.
I was teaching a conflict resolution workshop to a group of Rotaracts (high school aged pre-Rotarians) at the Rotary International Peace Conference, and — since Rotarians are world renowned do-gooders who put “service before self” — I felt like I had a hall pass to take these young peace advocates deeper than your average high school class. We were moving through a section on emotional intelligence, empathic listening, and exploring what you can learn about someone’s needs if you aren’t preoccupied with being hurt by their language. After an impassioned discussion about cyber bullying and disparaging remarks made about Islam, a young Muslim girl in the front row looked up at me and asked in an inquisitive, challenging tone, “So what you are saying is…thank God for Donald Trump?”
I stood awkwardly in front of the room filled with high schoolers –a firing squad of eyeballs waiting to see if I actually believed what I preached. I took a deep breath, swallowed hard and said, “Yes.” The class giggled acceptingly in response and leaned in closer.
It is, after all, a logical fallacy to think that if Donald Trump were to disappear, so too would racism, bigotry, misogyny and distrust of a centralized government. That all of a sudden, “Poof!”, people would cease to feel marginalized, disenfranchised and dehumanized. After all, the man isn’t saying anything not already growled over dinner tables or joked about in bars. He is simply saying it openly and bombastically over the airwaves, and it echoes unavoidably through every form of media — social or otherwise.
Trump’s fiery rhetoric and his movement expose a deep wound in our country that has existed nearly since its inception. The Civil War was the first manifestation of this divide. Fittingly, that war didn’t end with an actual peace treaty at the Appomattox — merely a forced promise to surrender. For many, the resistance never ended. And, despite the best of intentions, Reconstruction was not reconciliation. The process did little to unite our country in more than words and titles. This chasm is further evidenced in Hollywood film productions; what is the easiest way to make a person sound stupid and low class? Give him a Southern accent.
It is impossible to know if Donald Trump actually believes what is coming out of his own mouth. What he has mastered, however, is the ability to give a voice to his following and to those who have never before felt heard. It has never been okay to speak these concerns out loud; rather, political correctness has banished these sentiments to silence in the public arena. Donald Trump says to hell with those shackles and speaks whatever comes to mind or is channeled from his audience. AND IT FEELS GOOD TO BE HEARD. If you need proof, you need only look at footage of his rallies. Thousands upon thousands of frenzied supporters are ready to go to war for a man because he gives voice to their anger and frustration.
But is anyone outside of the melee truly listening? The befuddled Republican establishment scrabbles to redirect that anger toward Obama, Hillary and the Liberals. The shocked Democrats do their best to marginalize and dismiss the movement with all-encompassing words like “hate speech”, “bigotry”, “racism”, and placing them in a “basket of deplorables.” The shunned and lambasted media fight back by fact-checking and making futile attempts to chip away at his integrity and business dealings — as if his personal character make his words less true to his followers. Again I ask, is anyone truly listening?
One thing I know as a mediator is that no one who feels listened to needs to raise their voice. And no one bothers to raise their voice if they are not passionate about their words. It is clear from the television set that Trump’s followers exemplify BOTH these truths. What we also know about the human brain is that when we feel threatened, our cognitive thought process shuts down and impairs our ability to fully listen. Donald Trump’s words are undeniably offensive to many people. In his proven calculation, unscripted, raw, offensive language is guaranteed to be heard and repeated. The greater the perceived impact, the greater the cheers at the rallies and retweets on his Twitter account. Ironically, the opposite is occurring with respect to others’ ability to truly hear him or his followers. This latter fact may not be Trump’s concern, but it definitely should be ours.
One thing we would hear in the anger (if we could listen) would be fear. REAL FEAR. Fear that we are living in a changing world where our neighbors, employers and leaders no longer look or speak like we do. There is, after all, a black president of the United States and a woman running to succeed him; both would have been inconceivable a generation ago. There are people permanently losing their jobs to foreigners who speak, eat, and act differently than we do, and technology is replacing us through automation. These fears are not unfounded or immaterial — they are real, they are concrete, and they are happening now.
If we had the ability to acknowledge this fear, what we might be able to see beneath that fear is care — care for our families, our way of life, our values, our religious beliefs, our identity. It is true, we will not be able to raise our children in the same world, in the same way or in the same environment in which our parents raised us. That fact is terrifying to some people. Moreover, if all I know is how to build cars, how will I feed my family and maintain my sense of purpose when I can be replaced by someone able to work for less or a robot that is twice as efficient? Where can I find hope if I can’t even provide for my family?
How would you respond if instead of hate, anger or even fear, you heard care in their words?
Yes, it can be said that Trump’s words are bigoted, hateful and racist. But why those labels are not helpful — and even naively dangerous — is because they let us off the hook from asking the more important question: what lies behind them? If we label someone a bigot, it gives us a pass from having to ask the deeper, more dangerous questions of how they got there and what is fueling their passion. More importantly and more conveniently, it enables us to excuse ourselves from trying to relate to them. Ironically, we become guilty of the same accusation of exclusion when we make Trump supporters “The Others.” To look at someone who is angry and slinging hurtful, shallow language, and then to take a look at ourselves and recognize our own fears is a risky and challenging proposal. But it is perhaps the only productive solution to start healing the divide that this election season has brought to light in our country and around the word.
We cannot solve a problem if we are unwilling or unable to talk about in a public forum. Pretending that there isn’t a problem isn’t a solution. So yes, thank God for Donald Trump. Thank him for having the unique ability, bravado and fortitude to be the mouth piece for millions of Americans who are living in fear of losing their identity and way of life. I am not advocating that you must like him or his politics, but can we set aside our hurt and outrage long enough to listen with compassion, empathy and an open heart?
I admit empathy does not feel like a trustworthy weapon against hateful slurs, ignorant sounding rants and death threats. Indeed, the path to healing our nation will not be linear, nor will it come quickly. Peace, however, starts in our own hearts and overflows incrementally into our local community before it can happen nationally. If enough of us have the courage to ask authentic questions in the face of anger along with the compassion to truly hear the answer, we might just have a chance.
Law Revision Commission Draft Recommendation on Mediation Confidentiality — Public Comments Due By September 1, 2017
/in Writer's Corner /by Phyllis PollackOn June 22, 2017, the California Law Revision Commission issued its Tentative Recommendation following its study to create an exception to mediation confidentiality (Study K-402). All public comments are due by September 1, 2017.
The Tentative Recommendation would be set forth in a new California Evidence Code Section 1120.5 that would allow the discovery and admission of previously confidential mediation communications where relevant to proving (or disproving) a claim of lawyer misconduct or malpractice. If the CLRC proposal is adopted by the Legislature:
See Tentative Recommendation at pages 133-141.
I urge everyone to peruse, if not read, the full Tentative Recommendation and to provide comments to the California Law Revision Commission, 4000 Middlefield Road, Room D-2, Palo Alto, Cal 94303-4739, telephone: 650-494-1335, website: http://www.clrc.ca.gov/. Comments may be emailed to commission@clrc.ca.gov.
… Just something to think about.
June 2017 President’s Message From Jason Harper
/in From The President /by Anne SawyerHello Everyone,
I would like to send a huge thank you to all of you who attended the jam-packed month of events in May for the SCMA. From the Peer Mediation Celebration, to the Past President’s Breakfast, to the Cultural Intelligence event, I hope you got as much out of our programming as I did! In the month of May, the SCMA has had programming in Downtown Los Angeles, Santa Monica, and the city of Orange. Moving forward, I look to have more events in areas more accessible to our entire membership, in addition to webinars that will allow you to attend an event without leaving your own home or office.
I would also like to take the time to commend all the Professional Development Groups (PDG) in SCMA, particularly our PDG leaders. Mediation can be a lonely profession and it is a wonderful resource to be able to gather with like-minded mediators in your area and talk about interesting cases, share marketing strategies, and even gain some new friends. Please look out for a PDG in your area and be a part of the growing mediation community. And if you don’t see a PDG in your area, create one! Please see our website for more information on PDG’s.
On June 20, we will have the Employment Mediation Institute at the Pepperdine University, West LA campus. Join us as we discuss the evolving employment law landscape, along with practical implications and applications for practitioners and mediators. This event is co-sponsored by the law firm Atkinson, Adelson, Loya, Ruud, and Romo as well the Straus Institute for Dispute Resolution and we thank them all for their support. (Register Here: https://www.scmediation.org/scma-calendar/npe-events/?eid=1151)
We are one month closer to our 29th Annual SCMA Fall Conference! As I said last month, I am pleased to announce that William Ury, co-author of the book “Getting to Yes”, will be the recipient of our Cloke-Millen Peacemaker Award and will be delivering the keynote speech at the conference! The SCMA Fall Conference will be held at the L.A. Hotel Downtown in Los Angeles on October 20 and 21, 2017. More information regarding RFP’s, hotel stays, and registration pricing here: https://www.scmediation.org/conference-2017/
As we head into the summer months, I would be remiss if I didn’t congratulate the new graduates of mediation and dispute resolution programs at the various community centers, colleges, and universities in California. I hope this is the beginning of a fruitful life and work as a peacemaker. We need you all now more than ever.
Have a great summer and I look forward to seeing you at our next event.
Best Regards,
Jason A. Harper, President
Southern California Mediation Association
May 2017 President’s Message from Jason Harper
/in From The President /by Anne SawyerHello Everyone,
This has been an amazing past few weeks for SCMA. First, I’d like to thank Dan Ben-Zvi for his program for our membership during Mediation Awareness Week. It was highly informative and received rave reviews. Also, congratulations are in order to the SCMA Education Foundation for reaching the challenge grant of $1,000 set by the SCMA! Even though this grant campaign has ended, it is always a good time to donate to the SCMA-EF for their contributions to peer mediation programs in middle schools and high schools in Southern California.
April also saw some great news pertaining to the SCMA Fall Conference. I am pleased to announce that William Ury, co-author of the book “Getting to Yes”, will be the recipient of our Cloke-Millen Peacemaker Award and will be delivering the keynote speech at the conference! The SCMA Fall Conference will be held at the L.A. Hotel Downtown in Los Angeles on October 20 and 21, 2017. More information and Early Bird Registration is now open here: https://www.scmediation.org/conference-2017/
May promises to be a jam-packed month for SCMA! We have 4 major events taking place this month and they all promise to be something you don’t want to m
Come and support peer mediation programs in middle and high schools! This event will take place at the Galen Center at USC from 6-8pm. Entry, parking, and dinner is provided free of charge thanks to the USC Good Neighbors Program and the Institute for Nonviolence in Los Angeles.
Register here: https://www.scmediation.org/scma-calendar/npe-events/?EventId=31331
The SCMA is celebrating its past presidents for building the foundation of SCMA. This event takes place at the Sonoma Wine Garden in Santa Monica from 10am-Noon.
Register here: https://www.scmediation.org/scma-calendar/npe-events/?EventId=31241
Join us as we discuss the evolving employment law landscape, along with practical implications and applications for practitioners and mediators. This event is taking place at the Pepperdine West LA campus. This event is co-sponsored by the law firm Atkinson, Adelson, Loya, Ruud, and Romero as well the Strauss Institute for Dispute Resolution.
Register here: https://www.scmediation.org/scma-calendar/npe-events/?EventId=31310
Dr. Michele Villagran will be discussing how we can develop skills to effectively handle cultural barriers that you face in your position. This event will take place at Chapman University in the city of Orange from 6-8pm.
I look forward to seeing you at our next event.
Best Regards,
Jason A. Harper, President
Southern California Mediation Association
March 2017 President’s Message From Jason Harper
/in From The President /by Anne SawyerHello Everyone,
It feels like the year is flying by already! I would first like to thank Phyllis Pollack and Lee Blackman for their highly informative program on Feburary 11 where they highlighted the latest updates regarding mediator confidentiality from the California Law Review Commission. I look forward to any update they will provide moving forward.
I would also like to let you all know that the SCMA has issued our 3rd annual challenge grant to the SCMA Education Foundation (SCMA-EF). The SCMA-EF is the charitable arm of the SCMA and their work centers on supporting Peer Mediation programs and the students who serve as mediators. Please go to www.scmaedfoundation.org for more information. If you act now, the SCMA will double your donation up to $1,000!
March looks to be another great month for SCMA. As you all know, Mediation Awareness Week begins on March 27 and we have a couple of noteworthy events planned. On March 29, there will be a special event at LA City Hall where the leaders of plaintiffs’ and defense attorney bars, the City Attorney, and a host of others will speak with the LA City Council on the importance of mediation in our community. Among the speakers present that day will be our own President-Elect, Dr. Jack Goetz, who will receive a Certificate of Commendation on behalf of SCMA. On the following night of March 30, Dan Ben-Zvi will present a program titled “Cutting Edge Mediation and Ethics” at the Santa Monica Doubletree Hotel. Please go to our website for more information on what promises to be a great program.
As the hub of the Southern California mediation community, the SCMA is very excited to celebrate Mediation Awareness Week. Mediation is often referred to as an “alternative” form of dispute resolution, but the fact is that more disputes are resolved by way of mediation than by court proceedings and arbitration combined. Despite that fact, mediation remains the least known and the most misunderstood form of dispute resolution by the public at-large.
Mediation Awareness Week provides an opportunity to educate the public about the value of mediation and the many quality mediation services that are available in Southern California. Our goal during Mediation Awareness Week is to remind the public that there is another way. In disputes ranging from neighbor issues, to personal injury, to special education services for children with special needs, we need to let people know that conflict is inevitable, but combat is a choice.
I look forward to seeing you at our next event.
Best Regards,
Jason A. Harper, President
Southern California Mediation Association
SCMA Issues Challenge Grant to SCMA Education Foundation
/in News & Announcements, SCMA Education Foundation (SCMA-EF) /by Anne SawyerSCMA Education Foundation Update
/in News & Announcements, SCMA Education Foundation (SCMA-EF) /by Anne SawyerHello Colleagues,
I would like to share with you some information about the SCMA Education Foundation and their amazing efforts.
The Foundation is the 501(c)(3) charitable and educational arm of the SCMA, and this year we are celebrating its Tenth Anniversary and the extraordinary work it has done!
In the last ten years, its achievements have included providing materials for mediator training to universities and community mediation centers as well as supporting middle- and high-school peer mediation programs.
2016 was a stellar year for the Foundation. It:
This year, the 10th Anniversary, The Foundation has already embarked on an ambitious program of enhancing its operating systems, bringing on new board members, raising even more funds and supporting even more schools than last year, as well as establishing closer collaborations with other organizations in the area.
As SCMA President, former board member of the Foundation, and now Ex Officio Member of the Foundation Board, I have personally watched the Foundation grow and develop its programs and expertise, and I cannot urge you strongly enough to “Celebrate The First Ten Years” by contributing generously to support peer mediation programs and mediator training.
Go to the Foundation’s website www.scmaedfoundation.org and click on the links on the home page to the two wonderful videos that show just how much peer mediation programs mean to students and their schools and communities, and then click on the Blue Donate button to support these programs.
This year, more than ever, given the contentious communications environment and the increase in bullying in the schools, it is vitally important that we bring the skills and approaches of mediation, of respect for each individual, and of peaceful conflict resolution to our youth so they have these skills for their personal and professional success. It is only then that we create the more peaceful society we all want and need.
For those of you who may not be familiar with the Foundation, go to the website and see all the information there that makes it a central resource for mediation programs, and discover the gem that SCMA established ten years ago.
Be sure to contribute! Any and all amounts are welcomed and will support these vital programs. You can contribute in other ways as well. The Foundation welcomes people who would like to explore joining the board and helping to foster its programs.
Let’s make 2017 a real celebration with your contributions and a record number of Friends of the Foundation!
Best Regards,
Jason A. Harper, President
Southern California Mediation Association
Neuroscience Behind Mediation: Are Resolutions Made by Logic or Emotions?
/in Writer's Corner /by Anne SawyerThe most complex organ of the human body is the brain. It oversees every bodily function and lets individuals interact with one another. Research into the brain provides an in-depth look at human nature and an understanding of human behavior.
Neuroscience is the study of the nervous system. It explains why behavior changes under stress. These changes relate directly to fluctuating serotonin levels in the brain. In other words, stressors lead to the instability of serotonin levels. This impedes a rational decision on a resolution in a taxing situation.
What happens in a dispute?
Disputing parties often believe they have the bulletproof facts, the proper reasoning, and the soundest position in the disagreement. This frame of mind can intensify the conflict. Quite typically, one of the parties presents a constructed resolution and outlines what they deem a logical point of view. When this resolution is rejected, the presenting party is bewildered by their adversary’s conceived irrational reaction.
Unreasonable expectations and disappointment can form by assuming that one’s well-crafted argument and dispute resolution would never be rejected by the receiving party. When a proposal is rejected, the parties stop listening to any other views outside their own. When this occurs, getting the two sides to agree on a resolution is a daunting and difficult task.
The role of the mediator
A mediator evaluates the interaction and body language of the parties by contemplating the mediation style that will be most effective in resolving the dispute. Neuroscience provides sound research into the different methods to achieve this. Facilitating becomes a vital technique through the course of the dispute resolution process by allowing the mediator to be aware of the needs and interests of the parties.
The negotiating process commences by identifying what drives the parties’ thought process, understanding their relationships, and determining the compelling factors behind the dispute. The matter’s importance to each party is also considered. The mediator identifies the parties emotional and logical processes, allowing the parties to listen, acknowledge, and respect each other’s interpretation of the dispute.
Enormous Implications
These findings have enormous implications in a dispute resolution. Parties creating a resolution based on reasoning alone are destined to fail. The negotiation process involves understanding the tangible and emotional factors making up the dispute. Relying on a logic based argument creates unreasonable expectations, speculations, and opinions.
A mediator must create a vision for the parties to understand each other’s points of view. This allows the barriers separating the parties to break down, making for a sound decision. By creating a safe environment, the parties come to make the decision on their own accord. At this point, additional reasoning tactics and further persuasion are not necessary. People do not base their decisions on logic, people formulate decisions based on their well-being.
February 2017 President’s Message from Jason Harper
/in From The President /by Jason HarperHello Everyone,
I am extremely excited for what 2017 has to offer for the members of the Southern California Mediation Association. There are several events and programs that will serve the mediation community in a variety of areas. The first opportunity is on February 11 at USC where we will provide a program on the latest updates regarding mediator confidentiality from the California Law Review Commission. In addition to that, please be on the lookout for events on cultural intelligence, mediator ethics, diversity in alternative dispute resolution, employment mediation, collaborative family mediation, and much more! In addition to all that, we will continue the tradition of honoring our past presidents at the breakfast held in April.
Before I go any further, I would like to acknowledge the amazing Board Of Directors that is helping to serve the membership of this great organization. President-Elect Jack Goetz has already become an invaluable resource to me personally and to the rest of the Board Of Directors. I am excited to see what is in store for the association during his term as President. He is serving as an advisor for the annual Conference committee and I have very high hopes for that impressive team. Leslie Kushner has agreed to serve as Secretary and I am very appreciative of her contributions while she is continuing to lead the Outreach committee with Bill Molfetta. Noah Stein has volunteered to serve as Treasurer in place of Stephane Maloney who served the association extremely well for so many years and we thank her for her service. Lee Blackman will continue leading the Communications committee and I appreciate the efforts he puts in to making the SCMA website the best it can be. John Irwin and Jim Cameron are leading our Membership committee and I am excited to see what they bring to our current and future members. A special thank you goes to David Levaton for continuing to lead the Mentorship program, which is one of the most important member benefits we have here at SCMA. Finally, Mark Lewis will continue to serve as Coordinator of Professional Development Groups, or PDG’s as we call them. His level of enthusiasm remains unmatched as he helps our members create new PDG’s in their geographic areas of residence or practice.
The people that were mentioned as leaders of the different aspects of the association are great, but what makes these committees work best is when we have members that are working with them. I encourage you all to consider joining a committee. In doing so, you are helping to further the association and the mediation community.
Finally, it is important to continue the tradition of accessibility that our past President, Floyd Siegal, began. With that in mind, I invite you reach out to me at any time – jhmediation@gmail.com/562-225-9958 – to let me know how we are doing, what we’re doing right, and what we could be doing better.
If I don’t see you at a PDG meeting, I look forward to seeing you at the next SCMA program.
Best Regards,
Jason A. Harper, President
Southern California Mediation Association
CLIMATE CHANGE, by Floyd Siegal
/in Writer's Corner /by Floyd SiegalThose attending the 28th Annual Conference of SCMA had the privilege of hearing the keynote address of Senator George Mitchell, former Majority Leader of the United States Senate. In his remarks, Senator Mitchell noted how divisive the two presidential campaigns had been, and emphasized the need to change the political climate.
“Thank God for Donald Trump” And the Opportunity for Healing
/in Writer's Corner /by Scott Martin“Thank God for Donald Trump” was a sentiment that derived from a most unlikely source.
I was teaching a conflict resolution workshop to a group of Rotaracts (high school aged pre-Rotarians) at the Rotary International Peace Conference, and — since Rotarians are world renowned do-gooders who put “service before self” — I felt like I had a hall pass to take these young peace advocates deeper than your average high school class. We were moving through a section on emotional intelligence, empathic listening, and exploring what you can learn about someone’s needs if you aren’t preoccupied with being hurt by their language. After an impassioned discussion about cyber bullying and disparaging remarks made about Islam, a young Muslim girl in the front row looked up at me and asked in an inquisitive, challenging tone, “So what you are saying is…thank God for Donald Trump?”
I stood awkwardly in front of the room filled with high schoolers –a firing squad of eyeballs waiting to see if I actually believed what I preached. I took a deep breath, swallowed hard and said, “Yes.” The class giggled acceptingly in response and leaned in closer.
It is, after all, a logical fallacy to think that if Donald Trump were to disappear, so too would racism, bigotry, misogyny and distrust of a centralized government. That all of a sudden, “Poof!”, people would cease to feel marginalized, disenfranchised and dehumanized. After all, the man isn’t saying anything not already growled over dinner tables or joked about in bars. He is simply saying it openly and bombastically over the airwaves, and it echoes unavoidably through every form of media — social or otherwise.
Trump’s fiery rhetoric and his movement expose a deep wound in our country that has existed nearly since its inception. The Civil War was the first manifestation of this divide. Fittingly, that war didn’t end with an actual peace treaty at the Appomattox — merely a forced promise to surrender. For many, the resistance never ended. And, despite the best of intentions, Reconstruction was not reconciliation. The process did little to unite our country in more than words and titles. This chasm is further evidenced in Hollywood film productions; what is the easiest way to make a person sound stupid and low class? Give him a Southern accent.
It is impossible to know if Donald Trump actually believes what is coming out of his own mouth. What he has mastered, however, is the ability to give a voice to his following and to those who have never before felt heard. It has never been okay to speak these concerns out loud; rather, political correctness has banished these sentiments to silence in the public arena. Donald Trump says to hell with those shackles and speaks whatever comes to mind or is channeled from his audience. AND IT FEELS GOOD TO BE HEARD. If you need proof, you need only look at footage of his rallies. Thousands upon thousands of frenzied supporters are ready to go to war for a man because he gives voice to their anger and frustration.
But is anyone outside of the melee truly listening? The befuddled Republican establishment scrabbles to redirect that anger toward Obama, Hillary and the Liberals. The shocked Democrats do their best to marginalize and dismiss the movement with all-encompassing words like “hate speech”, “bigotry”, “racism”, and placing them in a “basket of deplorables.” The shunned and lambasted media fight back by fact-checking and making futile attempts to chip away at his integrity and business dealings — as if his personal character make his words less true to his followers. Again I ask, is anyone truly listening?
One thing I know as a mediator is that no one who feels listened to needs to raise their voice. And no one bothers to raise their voice if they are not passionate about their words. It is clear from the television set that Trump’s followers exemplify BOTH these truths. What we also know about the human brain is that when we feel threatened, our cognitive thought process shuts down and impairs our ability to fully listen. Donald Trump’s words are undeniably offensive to many people. In his proven calculation, unscripted, raw, offensive language is guaranteed to be heard and repeated. The greater the perceived impact, the greater the cheers at the rallies and retweets on his Twitter account. Ironically, the opposite is occurring with respect to others’ ability to truly hear him or his followers. This latter fact may not be Trump’s concern, but it definitely should be ours.
One thing we would hear in the anger (if we could listen) would be fear. REAL FEAR. Fear that we are living in a changing world where our neighbors, employers and leaders no longer look or speak like we do. There is, after all, a black president of the United States and a woman running to succeed him; both would have been inconceivable a generation ago. There are people permanently losing their jobs to foreigners who speak, eat, and act differently than we do, and technology is replacing us through automation. These fears are not unfounded or immaterial — they are real, they are concrete, and they are happening now.
If we had the ability to acknowledge this fear, what we might be able to see beneath that fear is care — care for our families, our way of life, our values, our religious beliefs, our identity. It is true, we will not be able to raise our children in the same world, in the same way or in the same environment in which our parents raised us. That fact is terrifying to some people. Moreover, if all I know is how to build cars, how will I feed my family and maintain my sense of purpose when I can be replaced by someone able to work for less or a robot that is twice as efficient? Where can I find hope if I can’t even provide for my family?
How would you respond if instead of hate, anger or even fear, you heard care in their words?
Yes, it can be said that Trump’s words are bigoted, hateful and racist. But why those labels are not helpful — and even naively dangerous — is because they let us off the hook from asking the more important question: what lies behind them? If we label someone a bigot, it gives us a pass from having to ask the deeper, more dangerous questions of how they got there and what is fueling their passion. More importantly and more conveniently, it enables us to excuse ourselves from trying to relate to them. Ironically, we become guilty of the same accusation of exclusion when we make Trump supporters “The Others.” To look at someone who is angry and slinging hurtful, shallow language, and then to take a look at ourselves and recognize our own fears is a risky and challenging proposal. But it is perhaps the only productive solution to start healing the divide that this election season has brought to light in our country and around the word.
We cannot solve a problem if we are unwilling or unable to talk about in a public forum. Pretending that there isn’t a problem isn’t a solution. So yes, thank God for Donald Trump. Thank him for having the unique ability, bravado and fortitude to be the mouth piece for millions of Americans who are living in fear of losing their identity and way of life. I am not advocating that you must like him or his politics, but can we set aside our hurt and outrage long enough to listen with compassion, empathy and an open heart?
I admit empathy does not feel like a trustworthy weapon against hateful slurs, ignorant sounding rants and death threats. Indeed, the path to healing our nation will not be linear, nor will it come quickly. Peace, however, starts in our own hearts and overflows incrementally into our local community before it can happen nationally. If enough of us have the courage to ask authentic questions in the face of anger along with the compassion to truly hear the answer, we might just have a chance.